Rehab: Part 1

A story day:)

Rehab was intense! I was there for two weeks. It felt like forever and not enough time. I could feel my body improving every day by leaps and bounds. The recovery seemed miraculous. In the picture I posted in my post “Hope”, I had just arrived and was almost completely paralyzed from my hips down. I could pull myself to sitting with help from the nurses. I could manveuver my legs off the bed with the help of the nurses. And that was about it. Since it was Sunday - no therapy had begun yet, just that glorious hair washing! I was admitted to rehab December 20th 2015.

I'll try to describe a typical day and some of the progress. I hope it doesn't come across as “poor me”, but I really want to convey how crazy this was, be real, and recall the remarkable change that has happened in such a short time. 

So first off, while I was there I was inflicted with insomnia. I had a hard time falling asleep, ok that's pretty common. Here;s the thing though...I also had nighttime medications I was woken up for AND needed to be turned in the bed every two hours at this point since I mostly couldn't move on my own AND I was wearing massive compression boots to prevent foot drop and blood clots in my legs AND I had roommates. So my sleep was VERY disrupted.

My morning started at 5am or 6am with my morning blood draw. I would then call my nurse to let her know I was up and she could help getting me ready for morning therapy. This involved bathrooming – I could not go on my own and would need to be catherized. Luckily I was self sufficient with the BMs. Too much info? Sorry, this is how it was. Modestly went out the window. When you have to poop in a commode with two curtains between you and your roommate – AND HER HUSBAND!!!! AWFUL!!! You have then reached the end of your dignity (except maybe sharing it on your blog).

Ok, enough of that! I would then get a sponge bath before being dressed. Eat breakfast, meet with my rehab doctors to get and give feedback on meds and treatment. They were fantastic and really listened to my concerns. I would then try to squeeze in breakfast before my Occupational Therapy session started at 8am. He came to my room and I was always running behind; I woke up at 6am people! With no commute!!!

In OT, we worked on dressing first. He instructed me from the other side of the curtain and Sam or my mom helped a little at first. I was given a grabber to reach my clothes and dressing stick for putting on shoes. The best part though was when I got to maneuver into a wheelchair. I say maneuver, because I had to learn how to use a slide board to get from the bed into my wheelchair using my upper body. You could not believe how good it felt to be in a wheelchair after being in bed for SO long. It was hard at first. Since I was still recovering from surgery my core muscels were shot, and my blood pressure was so low from reclining for so long. I had a binder I needed to wear anytime I was sitting up to keep my blood pressure up. This thing looked like a corset and it was pulled tight!...but man, did it make a difference. Without it I was feeling light headed. I wore that for quite a while, even after coming home.

Anyway, I can still remember how good it felt getting into that wheelchair. It was moments like this that brought so much joy! How can I explain that my worst time was also my best! I was so thankful for every improvement! Not being able to move is scary, obviously, but you are very dependent for your most basic needs. And being able to get out of bed...to see the hallways and other patients, to get places by myself..was thrilling! I couldn't help smiling!

Well, I can see this is going to be a longer post than I thought:) I'm only at 9am in my rehab day! So I'll wrap it up for now. It's hard to believe that I am where I am today – walking! Be it with a walker or canes, I am out of the wheelchair and moving towards more independence. It helps me to write and remember how far I have come. 

Lately it's been hard because my nerve pain has been getting worse with my chemo treatment. We are adjusting it to a lower dose, but it's too soon to see if it is making a difference. It's been hard emotionally to feel like I am going backward in my rehabilitation. Especially when I feel like most of my recovery for nerve regrowth is in the first year. The same exact time I am going through all of these crazy chemo treatments. I hope it doesn't effect my recovery too adversely and the nerves continue to heal regardless of the discomfort I am feeling. It's been one of those hard phases to work through. There have been several.

The thing is, those hard phases helps us(Sam and I) get to the next level of acceptance. I will not likely be driving on my own anytime soon. We need to get the car modified with hand controls at the wheel. I will likely need to do some kind of drivers ed class with an OT to learn to use them. I'm thinking, when am I going to have time for this!?! How are we going to pay for this!?! But you know what, God is revelaing to us some ways we can accomadate for these expenses. He ALWAYS provides. He truly is amazing!

So there is the part of life that will always be there no matter who we are - ups and downs! And we've experienced a lot of them! Hoping for the best and then having a realistic assessment for the here and now. Being realistic about my needs requires planning and acceptance for where I am today. 

Here's what's going on this week that made me write that: I have to renew my temporary handicap tag. I needed to decide if I was going to get another temporary 6 month tag or go for the permanent one. It sounds crazy, but it was a really tough decision to go for the "permanently disabled" tag. It's hard to acknowledge that I will likely need a handicap placard for some time. Maybe not forever, but probably longer than 6 months! And that phrase "permanently disabled" was like a stab in my heart. I had to get some doctor or nurse to sign off on this and it just made me sad. It was a downer. 

It could all be so much better....but it could be a WHOLE lot worse! Where I focus my thoughts is the difference between bitterness and joy. I'm not saying I don't feel sad and cry sometimes. It would be inhuman not too. But Lord, save me from ever being bitter! I want so much to focus on the "It could be a WHOLE lot worse!" and feel grateful for every bit of progress along the way.

PS This was a long post. I wasn't anticipating that (and I don't have an editor)! I'll try to keep it shorter next time;)