Rough Times, Sustaining Hope

I am going to take a break in the recap of the past and share some of my heart for what is going on in my life today. It has been a sad couple of weeks as my family and I have been mourning the loss of my uncle. He died recently of stomach cancer after a good fight, and will be greatly missed.

At the same time, my mother (Uncle Nick's sister), step-father and nephew have all been here visiting. It has been good to see them and the cousins are full of commotion and fun all day long! It has been good to see them all together! It's been a good visit. Today they are all at the beach. For now I can't do the beach, so I was thrilled to have my boys go for the first time this summer! And I don't mind the house to myself:)

So here I am, catching you all up. Friday I will be going to my oncologist for a final check before transfering my care to Stanford. I will get one last week of infusion before going for my first check-in at Stanford on the 14th. It will amount to a 3 hour appointment in which I hope to get some questions answered. I still do not know when I will be getting the stem cell transfer done or what the recovery time is. It makes it hard to plan for me, my mom (who will be staying with us), and Sam (who will be taking time off work). I guess the not knowing makes it tough. It is also harder having a long time to think about it and read about it. It doesn't sound easy!

So the stress is getting to me. The neuropathy is getting to me. I'm having a hard time gearing up for this next big stage after 4 months of chemo. Please pray for renewed strength and joy as I am feeling tuckered out emotionally.

On the other hand I just want to get this thing done! So I am hoping it will start soon and be over soon! I would love to be over the worst of it in the next month or so!

This passage gave me encouragement last week:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. (1 Corinthians 4:16-5:1)

These are the two thoughts that keep me going. The first is that whether or not I make it through this trial or this affliction and live a longer life, I have learned so much and God has been shaping me tremendously through this. The second is that If I don't do so well with the treatment, I will be getting a new body in heaven. That might seem like a small comfort to some of you:) However, I have been thinking about heaven a lot lately. That might sound like a morbid thing; it really is not.

“For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Fixing my eyes on the eternal helps me not lose heart. “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13. Love never fails. It endures. Through life and through death. Moreover, God is love. He is with me. He is with my loved ones. My children and husband, my parents and sister, my friends and family. He is with those who mourn.

So, yes, the situation is sucky. But it could be a lot worse without the comfort and peace of knowing that the worse outcome - death - will carry me on to something better - eternal life. Just as importantly, I can trust the Lord with those I love and those who love me. I can hope for healing and surrender to a loving God all of the results, knowing his grace is sufficient for me.