So my first week in rehab ended with
Christmas. My second week ended with a release home on New Year's
Day. To quickly sum up the last week: it was about prepping me with
the skills to go home. An appointment with me spine doctor to check
my incision and healing of my back, continued therapies and a heart
change that was ready to be with my kids again.
I still felt worried! “I'm not
ready!”, I thought. I want to walk out of here! I don't want my
husband being my nurse: helping me in the shower, or bathroom or
helping me dress. I was worried about the home physical therapy and
whether it would be frequent enough. It certainly would not be 1.5
hours daily!
I can see in hindsight, that though
coming home presented itself with many challenges: my kids needed me
home, my healing still progressed, the changes in my relationship with Sam
brought us closer and brought a new level of trust between us, and
ultimately God knew what was best and what I could handle.
So back to today! I am anticipating a
long awaited intake appointment at Stanford tomorrow. This will begin the
process of getting my stem cell transfer started! I'm scared and
excited. One of my biggest concerns is about the timing. Start to
finish, I am anticipating about a 6 week process of taking the stem
cells out to eventually putting them back in and looking for signs of
engraftment (where my immune system accepts the new cells and begins
to make new blood cells again). I will basically be isolated during this time, only going out to doctor appointments, and having a lot of hand washing and wearing masks in the house. This would be followed by approx 3
months of “being careful” of infections.
I think it will start soon. I also have
2 important dates that I want to be able to be present to for my son and
family. The first is Oliver's entry into public school for the
first time on August 18th. I have reason to believe that it might be
a tough transition for him and I would like to be available to
support him through it. The second date is September 8-13, which is
Oliver's birthday followed by a church weekend at KOA where we usually celebrate his birthday. We missed last
year and I am pretty determined that the kids WILL go this year:) I
just would love to go with them: a long shot!
I am trusting God in the timing of all.
I know my plans and how I would want things to go, but God's got the
big picture with all of the moving parts, the needs of everyone (not
just me), and what the future holds. His timing is good and I'm going
to trust in it, even if it not mine.
Trust in the Lord
with all your heart,
and do not lean
on your own understanding.
In all your ways
acknowledge him,
and he will make
straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
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